


think too much or thinking not at all (i’d rather jump than fall)

by jeeter



Category: Critical Role
Genre: Character Study, M/M, Mollymauk Tealeaf centric, Not Beta Read, Slow Burn, Spoilers up to Ep 26, late night arguments and tavern dancing, like as slow as i am capable of writing, questionable pacing, touch starvation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:48:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23867035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeeter/pseuds/jeeter
Summary: Caleb’s face was flushed red, from his ears to his nose. It made the freckles on his face stand out more.Molly pressed his hand to his own face. It must not have been nearly as flushed, but he could feel the way his smile loosened after several hearty drinks. Licking his teeth, he lazily looked at Caleb. “I can leave some coin for them.”“Oh, she’s not your responsibility.” Caleb said, eyes unwavering from where his gaze was set on Nott.Molly snorted. “She’s not yours, either.” he said, and immediately regretted it as he watched Caleb’s jaw harden.
Relationships: Mollymauk Tealeaf & Yasha, Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	think too much or thinking not at all (i’d rather jump than fall)

Molly liked to watch people. 

It wasn’t a hobby, because it was something he needed to learn in order to survive. But at some point it became less of a lesson and more of a curiosity. 

When he met interesting people, he couldn’t help but let his eyes wander. The problem was, Molly thought just about anyone had the potential to be interesting. 

Slipping his hand into a stranger's pocket and leaving behind a coin, Mollymauk would think faintly about what life they led. 

On a night at the tavern, he was often the last of the nein still there, though Nott drank more and though Beau and Yasha both had more tolerance. Molly would wait until after they left, walking from stranger to stranger and striking conversation.

Sometimes, this would end in a sharp word and cruel grimace, but Molly would simply move onto the next person in his vicinity. 

His favorite night was one where he stayed up late talking to a barmaid and ended the night after dancing in the near empty tavern with her, barely able to hold himself up. 

He couldn't remember her name but he remembered so many other things, things that mattered more. Like the way she rubbed her temples and the sharp slap and kiss on the cheek she gave him before sending him off to bed. 

(Sometimes Molly worries that every part of him is something he stole from someone else.) 

The Mighty Nein wasn’t exempt from this treatment. 

He knew everyone’s order a week after meeting them, what they would want from a tavern. He knew the way Nott liked her chin scratched, or the way Fjord watches, protectively, over people he had just met. 

Maybe it is odd, how often he has taken to watching Caleb as of late. 

To say that he was interesting was an understatement. 

In that moment in the tunnel when Caleb went blank, staring blankly as if seeing a ghost, Mollymauk wondered about him, truly wondered about him for the first time. Not about his past, but about who he was now. 

Caleb, simple, bookish Caleb, who was as frail as he was smart but still could set a man aflame. 

Molly took the time to slap him, as that woman did for him some days ago. Caleb blinked, once, twice, and then he was back, shaking it off. 

“There’s time for that later.” Molly heard himself say, a faint echo of something he used to hear Gustav say. “Are you alright?” 

“Yes.” Caleb says, and letting his hand rest on Caleb's cheek for a moment, Molly kissed him on the forehead. 

Walking away, Molly could feel the heat of Caleb's stare at his back. 

&

Night watches very often split into comfortable pairs. Caleb and Nott, or Fjord and Jester, or Molly and Yasha, on the rare occasions she was there. But it was flexible, because there was always Beau, and very often Yasha was gone. The only truly consistent duo was Caleb and Nott. 

Molly observed this, and took note of it, because it was right in front of him, and he couldn’t help it. 

On rare occasions Molly had ended up on watch with Caleb, despite all of this. 

Watch with Caleb went a little like this: 

For the first 20 minutes or so, Caleb would try his best to avoid looking at the books he brought, because of course he couldn’t bring himself to abandon them for even a few hours. 

Molly would walk around the given area, restless in his drowsiness. 

Later in the night, when Caleb would have taken to picking at his nails to avoid reading his books, Molly would come and sit next to him.

Clearing his throat, he said “Do you need….a distraction?” and pulled his tarot cards out of his sleeve.

Caleb’s shoulders tensed. He curled into himself, hands coming together in a sharp and quick clasp. 

“No, no thank you.” 

Molly started to shuffle the cards in his hands. He let himself look over at Caleb, who was staring intently at the ground, and avoiding eye contact. 

Carefully, Molly cut his deck one more time before holding it out in front of Caleb. “Are you quite sure?” he said. 

He watched as Caleb’s lips twisted in distaste. “Yes.” 

“You’re missing out.” Molly grinned at him even as Caleb didn’t meet his eyes.

He still couldn’t help but feel disappointed. The rest of the night passed in relative peace. No direwolves attacked them, no bandits coming to raid their camp, and absolutely no talking. 

He did get a lot of watching done. And, as Molly spent the time left in their watch to pull cards out and think on them, Caleb was watching him too. 

&

Molly didn’t miss the circus very much, but he did sometimes, and thought of it much more often. 

The trouble the Mighty Nein got into while in town reminded him a bit of the schemes they would try to pull off sometimes, in the circus. 

His mind often wandered to Alfeild, where they had done good for the first time. Even if they did it for their own benefit, there was a compassion in finding those survivors. In guiding them out to look at the light of the day as it was the first one they had ever seen. 

“You don’t wish to do good, or something shitty and philosophical like that, do you?” Molly asked Fjord one night. They were alone in their room, as it often was. The night had been harsh to them, and they had returned to the privacy of their rooms to lick their wounds. 

Fjord snorted. “No? I mean, I like to do good.” He fluffed his pillows, and began unbuttoning his shirt. “But I’m no martyr.” 

Molly was already lying in his own bed, the stiff mattress unideal but comforting nonetheless. 

“Why? Do you have a moral compass I didn’t know about?” Fjord said, as he put away his clothes into a neat folded pile and changed into something cleaner. 

He gave Fjord a toothy grin. “No, I was wondering if you did.” 

Often, Molly had odd conversations with his companions. 

“I think you would be my mama’s favorite.” Jester grinned. 

“I think your mother would be my favorite.” he said back, tail twitching where it had fallen out of the cart. 

“Oh, I know she would.” Jester said proudly. She opened her sketchbook to draw as she often did. “My mama is everyone’s favorite.” 

Next to them, Caleb laughed. He must’ve been talking to Nott. 

“Well, I suppose she would have to be my second favorite,” Molly said, bringing his tail to flick Jester on the cheek. “I only have room for one favorite tiefling in my heart.” 

She laughed too, then, and it made Molly feel better about the aching feeling in his chest. 

&

Caleb was starting to get on Molly’s last nerve. Nott too, but getting onto her about stealing Fjords things was enough to make him feel less worried about her. 

But Caleb was so twitchy. 

In that alleyway, he couldn’t help himself. Molly lingered for a few moments, until the rest of the Nein has separated from them, and then, in one motion, pushed Caleb against the wall. 

It wasn’t harsh, but immediately he could feel Caleb tense under him. 

“Hey, Caleb?” Molly said, and leaned in so close that they were practically nose to nose. 

Caleb’s eyes darted everywhere, anywhere but to Molly’s. “Jah?” he said. 

“I’m fine if you skim something off the top, that’s fair. But, be clever about it. Just.. distribute 60, 70% of what you find. ‘Kay?” 

Molly tilted his head, watching Caleb give the most minute of nods. Where his hand was on Caleb’s left side, he could feel the pace at which his heart was racing. Molly wondered what it would be like if Caleb actually made eye contact with him, with that sharp gaze. 

“Good boy.” Molly said, giving a slap to his cheek and walking away. 

Caleb let out a harsh breath.

&

Molly thought about it a lot, after that, pinning Caleb against the wall. Had that been the right thing to do? He decided it was, but watching Caleb move around him like a fish on a hook wasn’t pleasant. Nor did it serve to make him confident. 

He wondered about it, but pushed it out of his mind. He would just buy him a drink next time they went out to make up. 

It was a few days before they had time to rest again. The Gentleman kept them busy. 

But a night came where they were all in a decent mood, touting a victory on their shoulders and coming back unscathed for the most part. Jester was as bright as always, but that day she was in a particularly good mood and her energy spread to the others. 

Nott had a cheery smile on her face after the two of them took a few minutes to whisper to each other. “We’re having drinks tonight!” she announced to the rest of them. They had just reached the tavern they were staying at, all trudging towards it in a vauge group. 

“Doesn’t sound like a bad plan to me.” Molly said, nudging Yasha by his side. She gave him a minute nod, and he was glad. She didn’t stay out with them often. 

Beau cracked her knuckles. “Let’s get this party startedddd,” she said, pulling the door open dramatically. 

Behind her, Fjord tried his best to avoid the door hitting the wall frantically, but resigned himself to his fate as the loud thud made itself heard. Following closely, Jester and Nott made their way in excitedly. 

Molly watched as Caleb smiled to himself before walking in. 

“He’s an odd one, isn’t he?” Molly said to Yasha. He turned to look up at her, with the moonlight shining down on her face 

She smiled. “No odder than you.” and tapped his nose. 

Walking into the tavern was a familiar relief. It was bustling, the scent of fresh food overpowering the natural musky scents of a lot of the patrons. 

Most of the tables were taken, but it seemed Jester and Nott had already settled into one towards the center of the room. 

The rest of the nein sat down, some having to politely ask to pull chairs from other tables, and others, like Nott, simply dragging them away when another patron was turned away. 

“I can get drinks. The usual?” Molly said. 

“No, no, we’re fine. We’ve all got…,” Nott shoved her hand and began digging around. “This.” she finished with a dramatic flair as she pulled out her magic flask. 

Caleb wrinkled his nose. 

Molly smiled at her, and turned to the rest of his companions. “I’ll get drinks.” 

He delicately stood up and made his way to the bar. Wessek was serving a few other patrons, but gave a gruff smile when he saw Molly and raised his finger up. 

“What can I get for ya?” Wessek asked, leaning on the counter. There was an indent in the wood from where he had put his weight so many times. 

“5 of the regular all night, and enough food for all of us.” Molly said, dropping a gold coin on the counter. “Oh! And a milk.” 

At the gold coin, Wessek let out a dry laugh, grinning as he took it. “I’ll keep ‘em coming.”

Molly smiled as Wessek poured several of the tankards. He glanced briefly over the tavern, before turning back to Wessek. “Is that band coming tonight?” 

He snorted. “They’re supposed to be here already, but they must be running late,” handing Molly the tray, “you looking to dance tonight?” 

Molly delicately took the tray. “You know me.” he said, flashing Wessek a grin before turning to return to his table, tail swishing behind him. 

The rest of the night was relaxing, with the band eventually coming and brightening the entire tavern with their faintly off tune songs. Everyone appeared to be in good spirits. Even Yasha joined in the festivities, even if she nursed one drink the whole night. 

“You know,” she said, with her shy smile tilted up to be almost sly, “once Molly tried to learn to swallow swords while we traveling with the circus.” 

“Nooo!” Jester said with clear excitement, leaning across the table to be closer to Yasha. 

“Yes, and they were flaming too-“ Molly started. 

“He had burns for weeks.” Yasha interrupted, which made Fjord and Nott choke on their laughter, and inspired Beau to tease him about it all night. 

Eventually, though, their table wore thinner, with Yasha retiring for the night and Fjord and Beau running off to scheme. 

Molly sat and watched Nott and Jester as they tried to gamble with an old fisherman at a booth across the room. Next to him, Caleb brought his tankard to his lips, but paused to let out a light laugh. “Perhaps I should tell them off. I doubt he has as much money to spare as we do.” he said. 

Caleb’s face was flushed red, from his ears to his nose. It made the freckles on his face stand out more.

Molly pressed his hand to his own face. It must not have been nearly as flushed, but he could feel the way his smile loosened after several hearty drinks. Licking his teeth, he lazily looked at Caleb. “I can leave some coin for them.” 

“Oh, she’s not your responsibility.” Caleb said, eyes unwavering from where his gaze was set on Nott. 

Molly snorted. “She’s not yours, either.” he said, and immediately regretted it as he watched Caleb’s jaw harden. 

With a loud screech, the band played particularly off key, and Molly winced as he turned away. A jeer from Nott marked her victory, and he felt himself able to relax again. 

“Ah, looks like that is her cue.” Caleb murmured, and elbowed Molly in the ribs. “Look-“ he said, gaze leading Molly to where Jester was pulling the pot subtly to herself while Nott was distracted. 

Caleb tilted his head, and Molly watched as he began to chuckle. “Oh, that’s silly.” Molly said. 

They watched as Jester tried her best to leave with the pot only to have it snatched out of her hands my Nott, who tumbled down to the ground, punctuated by the sound of her flask hitting the ground. “Nott!” Jester cried, and scooped Nott up. 

Fighting against her grasp, Nott squirmed as Jester walked past Molly and Caleb to get to the staircase. 

“Caleb! Help meeee!” Nott cried out from under Jester's arm. 

At this, Caleb began to let out a truly hearty laugh. Molly was shocked by the sound as he told Jester good night. 

“Are you going to bed too?” Molly asked when Caleb had calmed, with Jester ascending the stairs, and Notts cries finally out of earshot. 

“Nein. I’ll stay up a little longer.” Caleb said. 

Molly pushed his hair out of his face. “Dance with me then.” He grinned. 

Caleb sputtered for a moment “I- I am not a dancer.” 

“Everyone’s a dancer.” 

“Not me.” Caleb grimaced, taking another sip of his drink. “You go- I’ll watch.” 

Molly stood up lazily, stretching his arms above him. “Fine. Your loss.” 

Crossing through the filled tavern, he reached the area more open next to the band. No one was dancing, and he scanned the room for a partner. 

A rough farm hand at one table, a merchant at another….. Molly motioned to Wessek, who was serving someone drinks, but he just shook his head and flashed Molly a smile. 

Molly sighed, and raised his eyebrows and Caleb, who smiled and put a hand to his face before similarly shaking his head. 

“Damn,” Molly said under his breath. He turned to the band, finally, contemplating whether it was even worth dancing if finding a partner was such a pain. 

The band was a motley lot, led by a handsome half elven man, and upon eyeing them all, Molly was struck with a brilliant idea. 

“You,” Molly said, rushing up and grabbing the half elven man by his arm and pulling him away from the rest of the band, “are coming with me.” 

His instrument having tumbled out of his hand let out a defining screech. “I- uh.. what?” The other man said, confused but letting himself be led. 

“We’re going to dance.” Molly said firmly, grabbing the other mans waist to lead. 

The half elf laughed, something sharp and high. “Alright.” His pale face began to turn pink as the rest of his band tried their best to keep playing, but was mostly a cacophony of off tune, off beat noises. 

“Alright.” Molly replied, pulling him close in a spin. And, for a second, Molly peered over his shoulder to give Caleb a smile, but looking at the place where they had been sitting, all that remained was the two tankards.

**Author's Note:**

> I know there are lots of grammar mistakes and I am not opposed to critique if that’s anyone’s thing! I’ve only watched up to ep 58 so if there’s anything contradictory... that’s why.  
> But I wrote this because I wanted to read something like this, so here it is. 
> 
> The title is from the Super City song, Find You! I might post my widomauk playlist when (hopefully) get to writing more.


End file.
